© Facebook Watch Matthew McConaughey discussed his relationship with his mom, which he writes about in his new book, while on Red Table Talk. Here's what they said.
- Oscar-winning actor Matthew McConaughey is adding author to his resume with his new book ' Greenlights.' McConaughey took years of his diaries and turned them into a book that's part memoir, part.
- “Consider this your personal “Greenlighter” gear, a reminder and inspiration to create greenlights in this life for yourself and others, so we can all get lit and just keep livin.” - Matthew McConaughey.
Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. On sale October 2020. I’ve been in this life for fifty years, been trying to work out its riddle for forty-two, and been keeping diaries of clues to that riddle for the last thirty-five. Courtney Reimer: Hi, I'm Audible Editor Courtney Reimer, and I am truly delighted to be talking with Matthew McConaughey today about his new memoir, Greenlights. McConaughey is, of course, an Academy Award-winning actor, more on that later, the star of critically acclaimed HBO show True Detective, and the unforgettable voice behind a wildly.
- Matthew McConaughey and his mom, Kay, appeared on the latest episode of Red Table Talk.
- They opened up about their eight-year-long rough patch.
- McConaughey wrote about his upbringing in his new book, Greenlights, which he discussed on the Oprah Conversation.
Matthew McConaughey and his mom, Kay, made a memorable appearance on the most recent episode of Red Table Talk, hosted by three generations of powerhouses: Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith, and Adrienne Banfield Norris. Kay, now 88, is spending the quarantine in Texas with McConaughey and his wife, Camila Alves, and their three children: Levi, 12, Vida, 10, and Livingston, 7.
'It's been really lovely. I'm enjoying being around my grandchildren. Matthew is a very good son. I'm going to give myself some credit for raising him right,' Kay said. She added that she treats her grandchildren the same way she treated her sons, Matthew and his older brother, Mike 'Rooster' McConaughey. 'If they smart off to me, if doesn't turn out well,' she said, laughing.
Though the Interstellarstar and his mom are the picture of domestic tranquility right now, it wasn't always the case. If you've read Matthew McConaughey's new memoir, Greenlights, then you know there are things from his past that merit a trip to the Red Table—especially regarding his upbringing.
The book opens with a vivid scene of McConaughey's parents physically fighting in front of 5-year-old Matthew, and then getting frisky. The scene encapsulates the McConaugheys' volatile relationship: Kay and her husband, James, were married three times, and divorced twice—all to each other. In 1992, James died while making love to Kay. 'His heart just stopped, you know? We had a party for him, kind of a celebration of his life,' Kay said.
Four years after her husband died, Kay and her son hit a low point in their relationship. The trouble began after McConaughey made 1996's A Time to Kill, and 'got famous.' According to McConaughey, Kay struggled with the transition to having a prominent son. Translation? She was speaking to the press.
After their weekly Sunday phone calls, Kay would feed information about his private life to news outlets. 'Mother wasn’t answering the phone. A fan of my fame was answering the phone. I was trying to find my own balance with fame and stuff, and I would share things with her...some of the things I would share might show up in the six o’clock news three days later,' he said.
At one point, Hard Copy—a tabloid TV show—came to his childhood home in Texas. McConaughey was alerted to the appearance by a friend, and was shocked when he turned on the TV to find his mom giving a tour.
'Mom’s leading the camera going, ‘And there’s the bed where I caught him with Michelle...no big deal because she didn’t last. Over here’s the bathroom, of course I walked in oh him in there and caught him doing you know what before…’ and I’m over here going, ‘Holy sh*t, Mom,' he revealed. Reflecting on her actions today, Kay said that she was 'enjoying his fame more than [Matthew] was.'
[product contentProductId='64b22fa9-96c1-46i c5-8342-e0b0cd5a99fe' mediaId='bed9d70c-d367-4773-aa3d-4c1d31d2642b' align='right' size='small'][/product]As the episode played, McConaughey called to confront her. 'Of course, she’s watching it too and I hear the same damn show in the background,' he said. Her defense didn't win him over: 'She goes, ‘I didn’t think you’d find out.'
After that breach in privacy, McConaughey felt that he needed to distance himself from his mom. Once his career was stabilized, they rekindled their relationship. 'My boat was built well enough that I didn’t think she could sink it and then I just took the reins off and said, ‘Mom, hit that red carpet. Talk to all of them, tell them all the stories you want’ and she’s been great about it since,' he said.
Luckily for us, McConaughey has reached the storytelling phase of his career. With his memoir, he invites us into his extraordinary life—and perhaps tells the story he didn't want his mom saying all those years ago.
Matthew Mcconaughey Greenlights Audio
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'There are three things that I need each day. One, I need something to look up to, another to look forward to, and another is someone to chase.' - Oscar acceptance speech by Matthew McConaughey.
This amazing actor published his memoir / biography last year - 'Greenlights'. 'Coz he's turned 50 and wants to share his poems, aphorisms or ‘bumper stickers’ on living life. He compiled his journals (started at the age of 14) and wrote the entire book in 52 days.
McConaughey starts the book by diving deep into the title of his book and explains the metaphor of greenlights means.
He believes that “a greenlight is being kind to our future self. It’s things in our life that affirm our way, they say ‘go, proceed, more, please carry on.’
While yellow and red lights make us slow down in life — they can be crisis, hardship, intervention, interruption.”
He explains further “The verb of the greenlight metaphor is really in the yellow light, meaning you have the choice to slow down and stop and let it become a red light, which sometimes we need to do in life when we need to have some introspection.'
Finally, he says, “I found all the red and yellow lights in life revealed themselves to have at least a greenlight asset in the future. They have a lesson in them that we were supposed to learn.
Any hardship, any pause we took, any intervention, interruption… they have greenlight assets that will be revealed to us later.”
McConaughey adds, “Red and yellow lights eventually turn green in the rearview mirror.”
McConaughey gives many life lessons in this book. These are 8 life lessons I picked up.
- Push yourself to take calculated risks:
McConaughey starred in a series of romantic comedies in the 1990s and this became his brand and made him rich. However, he realized he is not getting personal growth and wanted to change professions to become a teacher, a musician or a football coach. He called his financial manager, made calculations and then called his agent and told him he would not be doing any more romantic comedies, knowing the risk of never getting calls from any Hollywood producer ever. He unbranded himself.
20 months later, he finally started to receive offers for serious, author-backed roles that set him on the path to his Oscar. He had gambled and successfully pivoted his brand to a serious actor - which would never have been happened without the complete break.
He says, “I went through an unbranding phase to then rebrand. Again, process of elimination. I wasn't able to do or become what I wanted to become, but I did choose to say, ‘Well, I'm going to stop doing what I've been doing.’”
Think- are you happy with where you are and what you are doing? Can you take a calculated risk and rebrand yourself/ take a pivot? Are you moving forwards and learning something new or just happy with the comfort you have today?
2. Live A Big Life ( Not Necessarily With Big Stuff )
At the height of his superstardom and Hollywood money, Matthew McConaughey enjoyed living in an airstream caravan and travelled across the US with his dog. Whenever the fame and money clouded his judgement, he travelled with minimal possessions to far flung places. Like the best poets, he chose experiences and adventures over an extended period of luxury.
He takes self imposed sabbaticals to write and he puts his family and his spirituality first before material possession. It's inspiring to see someone with so much material wealth still lead a simple yet big life, one tied to values.
The next time you feel you need to buy a car or that new gadget, try and think back to your last purchase and your last holiday/break/adventure. Which made you happier and clear headed?
Greenlights Matthew Mcconaughey Kindle
3. ‘Don’t half-ass it’
When Matthew McConaughey called his father from law school and said he wanted to be an actor instead, his father gave his blessing and said, ‘Don’t half-ass it’. This answer shocked the actor but he followed this maxim thereafter. He went all-in. The book covers several real-life interview tips and tricks as Matthew worked smart and hard to make his own path in the acting world. He went all-in.
This applied even to his lifestyle; music; foundation work; travel; choosing a life partner and bringing up his family.
He shows us how to go all -in on something - no point doing half the work or giving up early. If you fail, it shouldn't be because you failed to try.
4. Create your own greenlights.
A big point in this book is : Sometimes you have to take charge and guide your own way.
As McConaughey says, “I created a lot of the greenlights by taking responsibility today, which created freedom for me tomorrow.
I made decisions today, and sometimes even sacrifices, that teed me up for more pleasure or more of what I wanted tomorrow.”
However, he acknowledges in a Stoic way that sometimes things just go your way - you have to accept it and do one of three things - 1. Accept and give up ; 2. Accept but find a way to pivot and do it ; 3. Learn something from it and make it into a new opportunity.
5. Find your frequency.
This one is easily my favourite. No matter what, staying true to yourself and who you are. We often find ourselves lost and directionless/ easily overwhelmed in life, just like the actor himself was. He broke out of those ruts by choosing travel, solitude, writing and introspection. He tried to understand time and again 'who he was' at that point in his life and what felt true to him.
I'll share a direct quote from 'Greenlights' that explains it.
McConaughey believes that “we all have the feeling when we’re on frequency when our relationships are going well — with our career, our selves, our God. We’re in the flow, we’re not going too fast, we’re in the flow of traffic, in our lane in our zone. What we give out to the world is what is returned to us. But that doesn't last forever and we get in a rut, and we’re off frequency.”
One way to get back in line, he says, is not to “put the pressure on what you want, just get rid of the stuff that we know isn't feeding our true selves by process of elimination — those people, places, things, habits that give us a proverbial hangover the next day.”
He goes on to say that defining who you’re not is key to finding out who you are.
He says, “If you get rid of enough things that don't feed you, aren’t giving you residuals, or teeing up green lights in your future, by sheer mathematics, you'll have more options in front of you that do feed your true self and will feed the greenlights in your future.”
The lesson here for all of us is to focus on who and what we want to become and remove everything that isn’t adding to it, even if the road to it may seem uncertain for now.
6. Turn “can’t” into “can.”
Greenlights Review
Matthew understand the sheer magic of the life we are given and the story of our life that only we can write - he asks us all to stop limiting ourself before trying for something not done before. If you need help to do it, ask for help. If you need a mentor, find one. If you need to be resourceful and learn more about it or hustle to win, then do it. Commit to your decisions and find a way to work it out.
McConaughey says, “Growing up, can’t was considered a bad word. You got in trouble for using it.” He says, “The lesson being: You may be having trouble, but don't say you can't. If you’re unable to do it yourself, you can seek help from someone else to give you the solution, so that doesn’t mean you couldn’t.”
Think back to your unfulfilled goals - how can you say 'I can...' and work them out?
7. ‘What does my future self think about the decision I'm making now?’
As the book states, it is good to be prepared and ready, even if we don't get what we want right away. Delay immediate gratification to build a better future and catch more greenlights.
McConaughey says, “Preparation does tee us up for delayed gratification, so we avoid that Sunday night stress about what we have to do on Monday morning. It's about having a long view. In all of our decisions as adults, we’re so into immediate gratification. Let’s think about ROI, what’s the decision right now? Sometimes it might be to sacrifice now so I can get more of what I want tomorrow.”
He goes on to say, “If you can project into your future, tomorrow, next week,10 years from now, before you make these decisions, have a little chat with yourself and ask, ‘What does my future self think about the decision I'm making now?’
Our future is a compounding asset. The decisions we're making are part of that compound. As we’re writing the story and making the investments, understand that every decision will have a consequence.”
Your future success is a series of habits you inculcate today - what are you building? It's often as simple as saying no to going out/ watching another TV series to write an article of 1000+ words ( like I did with this one.....)
8. Do you want that extra zero? Define what success means to you.
What is the larger point of our life? What does success and legacy mean to you? How many more zeroes do you need in your bank account /paycheck to say it's enough. When do you choose to work in a way that builds others around you too?
“The question we need to ask ourselves is: what is success to us? More money? That's fine. A healthy family? A happy marriage? Helping others? To be famous? Spiritually sound? To express ourselves? To create art? To leave the world a better place than we found it?'
What is success to me? Continue to ask yourself that question. How are you prosperous? What is your relevance?
Your answer may change over time and that's fine but do yourself this favor – whatever your answer is, don't choose anything that would jeopardize your soul.
Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don't spend time with anything that antagonizes your character. Don't depend on drinking the Kool-Aid – it's popular, tastes sweet today, but it will give you cavities tomorrow.
Life is not a popularity contest. Be brave, take the hill. But first answer the question.”
I loved reading 'The Greenlights' and it has got me to revise a lot of what I thought 2021 would be about. Here's hoping you can pick up this roller coaster of a book too.
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About Me:
Hey this is Annesha! Ninja at reading difficult stuff and writing it in an easy way. Also make videos occasionally as AskAnnie.
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Annesha Dutta
Communications @MoneyTap I Writer & Video Creator | TEDx Speaker